we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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