I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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