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• (425): View more from Washington

  Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  hey man, it was for science okay.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys

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• (407): View more from Florida

  You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!

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