It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
