what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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