dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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