he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
