I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
