Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
