God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Two words: blizzard sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
