I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
