NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
