You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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