remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
