suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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