Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
