So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
