oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
