Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
