I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
