I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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