Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
whose parrot is this?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
