i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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