Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
