Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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