Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize