Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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