My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
