I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
