I accidentally burped into my bong.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize