Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
