I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
