I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
