I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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