I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
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