maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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