Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize