Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
