That's when you crack a 10am beer
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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