He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
