quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
