Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
