Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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