Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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