im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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