i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
