He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
