New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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