I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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