I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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