Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize