She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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