I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
