He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
