He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she peed on how many people?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize