my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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