some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
