so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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