I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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