fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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