i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
