It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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