Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
