I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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