dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
