you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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