ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
