My underwear smells like fireworks.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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