please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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