Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
