We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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