After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
