She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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