I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
