he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
