So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
