the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
