Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
