is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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