Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
