You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
