I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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