3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
