Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
