So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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