i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
