I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
