either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
