She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
