my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
