oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
