It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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