i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
