Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
