she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
