i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
