drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
