I wish I could punch you in the face.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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