just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
