yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
