Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
