I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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