I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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